Holiday blues

Morning Fossil, said Phil.

Morning Phil, said Fossil.

Where have you been Phil? Said Fossil.

I have been on holiday Fossil, said Phil.

Listen up Fossil,

Let me tell you all about it.

I don't want to hear about your old holiday Phil, Said Fossil.

All I know is, I was left here on my own with those goats!

Those goats have driven me mad, Phil, mad I say.

You've been sunning yourself on a beach somewhere

And I have had to manage single handed!

It's been bedlam Phil, bedlam, said Fossil.

I am so sorry to hear all about this Fossil, said Phil.

So sorry indeed.

Of course I won't talk about my holiday.

That would be most unfair.

Most unfair to tell you what a lovely time I have had.

I promise I won't talk about my holiday at all.

But I will just show you my best sunbathing position!

Indeed said Fossil.

Aga saga

Bonjour Fossil, said Phil.

Bonjour Phil, said Fossil.

I have just had an aga installed in our shed Phil, said Fossil.

Oooh! An aga, said Phil. That's brilliant.

I can't wait to see it Fossil.

I can't wait to try it out.

Will it do for our parties?

Will it enrich our lives?

Can I plug my i-pod into it?

Does it make a noise?

I am so excited Fossil, I just can't bear it!

Fossil, said Phil, what is an aga?

It's a type of oven, said Fossil.

I've gone with a traditional cream colour.

Oooh, a traditional cream colour, said Phil.

Yes that's right Phil, said Fossil,

A traditional cream colour.

If you look back to our shed

You should just see it.

An aga, said Phil.

Well I never thought we'd have one of those.

It's a big oven isn't it Fossil.

Yes, said Fossil it is a big oven.

What are we going to cook Fossil, said Phil.

What are we going to cook in our big new oven?

What are we going to cook in our lovely, new, big cream oven?

Roast goat! Said Fossil.

Le weekend

Bonjour Fossil, said Phil.

Bonjour Phil, said Fossil.

Time to go to our French conversation class, said Phil.

Time to go to our French conversation class? Said Fossil.

But I haven't done my homework Phil.

Haven't done your homework Fossil?

Never mind, just get ready.

Just get your beret on and let's go.

Indeed, said Fossil.

I am ready to go!

Dreaming

It's no good Fossil, I just can't go on, said Phil.

Can't go on Phil? Said Fossil.

No! I can't go on said Phil.

I have been so busy today Fossil, said Phil.

So busy that I just can't go on!

Well! I don't know about that said Fossil.

Busy you say? I will tell you about busy.

This morning alone I have been on a flower arranging course.

A flower arranging course? Said Phil.

Yes, said Fossil, look what I have made.

Oooh. Very nice Fossil, said Phil,

What else have you done?

Well, said Fossil, I have also completely re-wired the shed.

Re- wired the shed? Said Phil.

Yes Phil, re-wired the shed.

I have put 3 phase power out there so we can run all our computers

All our computers and our own server.

Oooh, all our computers, said Phil.

And our own server?

What will he be serving Fossil?

Will he be serving pink champagne?

Not that kind of server Phil, said Fossil!

Don't go off in a dream!

I am going off in a dream Fossil, I am.

I am dreaming of our own server.

Our own server with pink champagne!

Indeed, said Fossil.

Another day in the field

Morning Fossil, said Phil.

Morning Phil, said Fossil.

What are we going to do today then Phil? Said Fossil.

Well I don't know what you're doing, said Phil,

But I am going to look at this old hedge over here!

Oh leave that old hedge alone Phil, said Fossil.

I have an idea, I have an idea of something we can do today.

Something more fun than playing in that old hedge.

Oooh what is it? Said Phil.

Are we going to practice our queuing?

We are getting quite good at queuing now, Fossil,

Don't you agree?

Yes Phil, said Fossil, I do agree.

I know our queue positioning is improving.

But that is not what we are doing today.

I have got a very good book in the shed Phil, said Fossil,.

It is a book that is in our library.

It is a book in the Rural Pastimes Section.

Oooh! Said Phil, the Rural Pastimes Section?

Might it be a game then Fossil?

Might it be a game we are playing today?

I think it might be said Fossil.

Wait here while I get organized.

I will just have a chew on this branch said Phil.

Ooooeeee Phil, said Fossil.

Come on, come and play my catch the carrot game.

Oh brilliant, said Phil,

I love the catch the carrot game!

I really love the catch the carrot game.

I can't catch the carrot Fossil, said Phil.

Guess what Fossil. I don't love this game.

I don't love the catch the carrot game any more!

Indeed said Fossil.

The next day

Hello little white goat, said Billy

Mad party last night was nt it?

Yes said little white goat,  I am just a bit hungry though.

There were not enough canapés for me!

Or me! Said Phil.

Indeed, said Fossil.

Last part of party time

Well Phil, said Fossil

I think that party went really really well.

Yes Fossil, said Phil,

The canapés all went, said Fossil

And the goats weren't  a nuisance.

You could nt ask for more.

Everyone really enjoyed themselves said Fossil.

I think I enjoyed myself a bit too much, said Phil.

Indeed, said Fossil

Party time 4

We need some music for this party Fossil, said Phil.

Don't worry Phil, I have organised everything.

I have plugged my new I pad air into the outside socket.

I will just go and turn it on.

I will turn it on and we can start the dancing.

I think the little white goat has already started! Said Phil.

He is showin' us his moooves!

Indeed said Fossil

Pass me a canapé please Phil,

It's going to be a long night.

 

Party time. Part 3

Well everyone is here, said Fossil.

We are just waiting for the goats.

I have just had an e mail from them.

An e mail telling me that they are running late.

Ummm, said Phil, why are they running late I wonder?

 

I bet it's that little brown goat!

That little brown goat is trouble I can tell you.

Oooeeeee. Oooeeee. Said the little brown goat.

We are here. Let's get this party started.

Come on said Phil, come on goats.

We are all ready to mingle.

Mingle? Said the little white goat

What's a mingle?

A mingle is not a thing little white goat, said Fossil,

A mingle is what you do at a party when you arrive.

You make polite conversation with the other guests.

Then you get drunk!

Great! Said the little brown goat.

When do we start!

Canapé crisis

Well Fossil, said Phil,

What are you going to wear to our party?

What are you going to wear to be smart casual?

Actually Phil, said Fossil, I have got something rather nice.

It's my special belt I bought from Harrods.

It's new and a little dashing!

How do I look? Said Fossil.

That colour looks very good on you Fossil, said Phil.

I must say, very good indeed.

Come on, we must hurry up and get everything sorted.

The party will start and we won't be ready!

Phil, said Fossil, will you organise the canapés please?

Get Puppy to help.

Organise the canapés nicely, Phil,

Organise them nicely so we are ready for our guests.

Phil? Said Fossil.

Yes? said Phil.

What is that crunching sound I can hear?

Oooh, I'm not sure Fossil,

I am not sure what that crunching sound is.

Are you sure Phil? Said Fossil

Are you sure you dont know what that crunching sound is?

 Actually I think I might know said Phil.

I think it might be me making sure the canapés taste nice.

Indeed, said Fossil.

Party time. Part 1

Morning Fossil said Phil.

Morning Phil said Fossil.

No work today Fossil? Said Phil.

No Phil, not today, there is a train strike.

I can't get into the office

So I have decided to organize a party.

Ooooh a party! Said Phil

How fabulous

Can I whisper in your ear who I think you should invite?

By all means Phil, said Fossil.

But I already have an idea of the guest list.

We have to invite the goats, said Phil.

I agree, said Fossil, we just have to invite them.

The party would not be a party without the goats.

And we absolutely have to invite Nog and Puppy.

Yes, said Fossil,

They will be our star guests.

Ooooh star guests! What will they wear Fossil? Said Phil.

What will our star guests wear to our party?

Something nice Phil, said Fossil.

They will wear something nice to our party.

Smart casual, I thought.

Is this ok? Said Nog.

How do we look? Said Puppy.

Pink disaster

Listen up Fossil, said Puppy.

Listen up I have some news to tell you.

What news is this? Said Fossil.

Come over here Phil, said Fossil,

Puppy has some news for us.

I am all ears Fossil, said Phil.

Listen to me carefully, said Puppy.

I shall say this only once.

THE GOATS HAVE INVADED YOUR DRINKS CABINET!!!

They have got the pink champagne out.

Oh no! Said Phil.

Not our estate bottled pink champagne.

Tell me it's not true.  Have they drunk it all Fossil?

Have they drunk all our pink champagne?

I think they have Phil, said Fossil.

I think they have.

A treat

Thank god it's Friday, said Fossil.

It's been a long week I can tell you.

That commute to the city just seems to take longer every day!

Are you moaning Fossil? Said Phil.

Yes Phil I am moaning, said Fossil

I feel I need a bit of a treat.

A bit of a pick me up.

A bit of a treat Fossil? Said Phil.

Well, I have got a bit of a treat lined up, as it happens.

Come over to the kitchen table Fossil.

Come over to our table and you will see your treat.

Ooooh cake, said Fossil. Yum yum.

I spoil you Fossil, said Phil.

Indeed said Fossil.

Hey Phil

Hey Phil! Said Fossil

Why the long face!

Champagne Charlie. Part 2

Fossil? Said Phil.

Yes Phil, said Fossil.

I am not sure that pink champagne is for me.

Indeed said Fossil.

Champagne Charlie

Fancy a drink Fossil? Said Phil.

I have got a selection in the drinks cabinet.

The drinks cabinet? Said Fossil.

Yes, said Phil, I've had it built into the side of the stable.

It is on the side here. It's even refrigerated.

I've decided that this stable will have all the mod cons!

Mod cons Phil? Said Fossil.

I am not sure about that.

Well, said Phil, I am going to have some pink champagne.

Can I tempt you to a glass Fossil?

Can I tempt you to a glass of pink champagne?

Is it like hay, Phil? Said Fossil.

Only I don't think I will like it if it's not.

Of course it's not like hay Fossil! Said Phil.

It is quite different, but I must say it's my favourite!

Ooooh! Said Fossil.

I think it's my favourite too!

UKIP

Morning Fossil, said Phil.

Morning Phil, said Fossil.

I am just wondering which party you are going to vote for? Said Phil.

Vote for? Said Fossil.

Yes, said Phil, which political party are you going to vote for in the next general election.

I am not sure, said Fossil.

I am just going to chew this post while I think.

I know, said Fossil, I know which party I am going to vote for!

It came to me in a dream.

Phil, I am going to vote for UKIP!

UKIP? Said Phil.

Yes, said Fossil, UKIP.

But what does UKIP mean Fossil? Said Phil.

It means U KANT INVADE our PASTURE, Phil.

That's what it means.

I am going to vote for that

And those goats will have to listen!

Those goats will have to do as they are told, said Phil,

Once and for all!

Indeed, said Fossil.

007

Hi Fossil, said Phil,

What's on your list today?

My list? Said Fossil.

Yes, your list said Phil.

What is the first thing on your list

To do today?

The first thing on my list to do

Is to double check my identity, said Fossil.

I have installed an eye scanner at the gate entrance.

I have only scanned our eyes in Phil.

I have only scanned our eyes in, but not the goats eyes!

Not the goats eyes? Said Phil,

But that means they won't be able to get into the field.

Our field! Said Fossil.

Out to dinner

Morning Fossil, said Phil.

What do you think of the royal visit down under?

Down under what? Said Fossil.

I read about the royal visit in our papers this morning, said Phil,

Awfully successful I thought, the trip down under.

As I said before, down under what? Said Fossil.

I don't know what you are talking about Phil.

Really Fossil, you shoul be better informed.

My mother said that you should always read a newspaper

Before you go out to dinner so that you have plenty to talk about.

Are we going out to dinner Phil? Said Fossil

That will be a nice change.

Will it be grass on the menu?

If it is grass, then we really will know 

If the grass is greener on the other side.

Oh shut up Fossil, said Phil.

Tired out

Phew! Said Phil

It has been a long old day.

All that eating and queuing has worn me out.

Worn you out Phil? said Fossil.

Yes Fossil, worn me out.

I just can't keep up with those goats,  and as for Puppy!

Well I don't mind telling you that I need this lie down.

I don't mind a bit of queuing myself, said Fossil,

It gives a bit of purpose to the day.

Just think how good we will be at queuing 

When we can finally do it properly.

But that's just it Fossil, said Phil.

I just don't think I can do it properly.

Indeed said Fossil.

Easter Sunday

Happy Easter Fossil.

Happy Easter Phil, said Fossil.

I have been looking forward to today, said Phil.

Why have you been looking forward? Said Fossil.

I think there might be a few surprises in store said Phil.

Oh no! Said Fossil, I hate surprises.

Surprises don't generally work out so well for me.

I think this surprise might work out very well for you, said Phil,

You will just have to wait and see.

I wonder what it can be? Thought Fossil.

A surprise! For me!

Will I win the lottery I wonder?

Will I win the lottery and have more money than sense?

More money than sense? Said Phil.

Yes, said Fossil, I want more money than sense

I have all this sense at the moment, but no money!

You will just have to wait and see said Phil.

I might just go and ask the goats said Fossil.

Ask the goats if I will have more money than sense.

Goats goats! Said Fossil

Is it true that I am going to have a surprise today?

Is it true that I am going to have more money than sense?

Well you have not got any sense said the goats.

So you won't need to win much money will you!

Fossil,  your surprise is not winning the lottery said Phil.

Maybe it is something much nicer than that.

Wait over there and I will fetch your surprise.

Happy Easter Fossil, said Phil.

Indeed, said Fossil.

Hug

Honestly Fossil, said Phil,

We have gone through thick and thin

With those goats.

Thick and thin Phil?

Yes Fossil, thick and thin.

We have to stick together.

Give us a hug Phil, said Fossil.

Oh no!

What are you looking at Fossil? Said Phil.

I am looking at something horrible over there said Fossil

Oh no! Said Phil.

New grass

Listen Fossil, listen Phil,

Said Puppy.

I know where the grass is greener.

It is greener on the other side.

It is a secret. No one else knows about it.

Listen to me and I will tell you.

Greener grass? Said Phil.

That sounds very interesting to me.

What do you think Fossil?

Be careful Phil, said Fossil.

The grass is not always greener on the other side.

It looks pretty green to me, Fossil, said Phil.

I'm off! Come on Fossil.

Puppy, do the goats know about this greener grass? Said Fossil.

Ummm, I don't think they do said Puppy.

Are you sure Puppy? Said Phil.

Are you sure that the goats don't know that the grass is greener on the other side?

Ooh, it's a long way to this grass said Fossil.

Come on Fossil, said Phil,

Let's follow this path.

I think we are nearly there.

Let's taste this grass Fossil, said Phil

Is the grass greener on the other side or not!

Puppy said it was said Fossil,

But I am just looking at something over there.......

Once upon a time

I have a story to tell, said Billy the goat.

I have a story that you won't believe.

I used to live here all on my own said Billy.

It was nice and quiet and I could do whatever I wanted.

There were no donkeys and no other goats.

I did not have to practice queuing.

I did not have to share my field.

Now it's Armageddon! Said Billy.

It's Armageddon and it's here now.

Armageddon? Said Puppy.

Yes, said Billy, it's Armageddon.

I am going to tell the goats said Puppy.

Goats, goats, Billy says it's Armageddon!

We don't believe it said the goats.

We don't believe it's Armageddon.

You had better tell the donkeys.

You had better tell the donkeys

Before Armageddon arrives.

Fossil, Phil I must tell you something.

I must tell you something that Billy said.

It's Armageddon! Said Puppy.

I have to tell you before it gets here.

I think it's already here said Billy.

Better take cover then said Phil.

Indeed said Fossil.